We crave love and belonging, yet we fear actually receiving them. Why do we question whether we deserve good things? Hidden anxieties surround worthiness, and breaking free from them requires self-reflection and growth.
By Syed Anaiyat Bukharie
We all crave love and a sense of belonging, yet many of us grapple with an underlying feeling of unworthiness. This struggle is not merely a consequence of lacking external validation. Even those raised in nurturing and supportive environments can experience persistent feelings of inadequacy, questioning why they deserve love or whether they are truly enough. This internal conflict suggests that our sense of worth is not solely shaped by external influences but is also deeply rooted in our personal beliefs and internalized perceptions.
Throughout history, humanity has sought external frameworks to define and affirm personal worth. Religious traditions, for example, have long incorporated rituals, sacrifices, and moral codes designed to establish a sense of deservingness in the eyes of a higher power. This historical tendency highlights the enduring human quest for external validation and structured paths to self-worth. Beyond religion, social systems, cultural norms, and personal achievements often serve as benchmarks through which individuals measure their own value.
The future, with all its uncertainties, plays a complex role in shaping our perception of self-worth. On one hand, hope for the future fosters a sense of possibility and intrinsic deservingness, reinforcing the idea that better things lie ahead. However, this can also introduce a conditional element—an underlying belief that one must “prove” their worthiness to truly deserve happiness or success. This creates a tension between inherent worth (the idea that we are valuable simply by existing) and earned worth (the belief that we must continuously achieve and improve to be deserving).
Belief systems, particularly those involving faith in a higher power, have a profound impact on self-perception. Faith can empower individuals, instilling confidence in their abilities and fostering the conviction that they are capable of achieving what they believe they deserve. This underscores the powerful role that belief plays in shaping not just one’s sense of worth but also their perception of potential and possibility.
However, an intriguing and often overlooked concept complicates this discussion—the “horror of getting deserved.” This phrase encapsulates the anxieties that arise when individuals contemplate actually receiving what they desire. These fears manifest in several ways:
• The Fear of Responsibility: Attaining what we seek often brings new responsibilities, challenges, and expectations. For example, achieving a long-sought goal can introduce pressures to maintain or exceed that level of success. The weight of these newfound obligations can make the prospect of success daunting rather than purely joyful.
• The Fear of Vulnerability: Accepting love and belonging requires a willingness to be open and emotionally exposed. This openness comes with the inherent risk of rejection, disappointment, or emotional pain. As a result, some may subconsciously resist embracing the very connections they long for, fearing the vulnerability that comes with them.
• The Fear of Inadequacy: Perhaps the most insidious of all, this fear stems from the concern that one may not be able to maintain the level of worthiness required to continue receiving love, success, or acceptance. Many people worry that they are not “good enough” to sustain the positive regard of others, leading them to self-sabotage or push away opportunities for growth and fulfillment.
This “horror” is not about fearing success, love, or achievement itself. Rather, it stems from the changes, responsibilities, and vulnerabilities that accompany them. Overcoming this fear requires deep self-reflection and a conscious effort to challenge internalized beliefs about worthiness. The key lies in embracing the idea that we are inherently deserving of love and belonging—not because of our achievements or perfection, but simply because we exist. By addressing these fears and reframing our understanding of self-worth, we can open ourselves to truly accepting and embracing the positive experiences that come our way. In doing so, we cultivate not just external success, but also genuine self-acceptance and inner peace.
The views expressed in this article are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions or views of this Magazine. The author can be reached at [email protected]
BOX
Self-Acceptance Introspection!
We all struggle with the sense that we deserve to be loved. Even if your parents were awesome, you sometimes wonder, really, why me? What did I do to deserve this? Interpersonal religions have all sorts of rituals and sacrifices designed to make them feel u deserve to be!
The unpredictable tomorrow will always tell you that u are deserving for them. But the horror of getting deserved will never happen unless you prove yourself to be !Let the divine Belief On Almighty structure your wholesome in such a way that You magnify yourself to get what you deserve to be!
Leave a Reply